The Eternity in Change

I was planning to write something thoughtful, but then I had a glass of Chardonnay at lunch, and now my mind feels a little foggy. Maybe this version is closer to my soul anyway, who knows.

2025 has been the most challenging yet spectacular year of my life.

I am an ambitious person, sometimes too ambitious. I push myself hard, often forcing myself out of my comfort zone. In the process, I’ve hurt myself more than once. Still, those struggles became my most rewarding moments and my greatest teachers. Of course, my best friend suffered too, because I called and cried a lot. Somewhere along the way, I realized something important: growth doesn’t require jumping off cliffs and breaking myself. I can grow new pieces without shattering the old ones. Those past versions of me are lovely, they carried me through storms and winds to where I am today. If I truly love who I am, there is no past version of myself I should dislike.

I worked relentlessly. I feel lucky to be doing people science, both in corporate settings and in higher education, work that I am passionate about and genuinely good at. And yet, I burned out, largely for the reasons I mentioned above. At one point, I almost considered quitting my corporate job. I criticized myself for making the wrong decision early on, and I was deeply afraid: if I lost a part of my identity that I was so proud of, then who would I be? Would I be nobody? Would I be a failure?

Imagine having a time machine. I eventually realized that no matter how many times I went back, I would make the exact same choices. That realization allowed me to truly embrace my past self. She made decisions with the information, maturity, and social context she had at the time, and they were the best choices she could make then. I cannot judge her now using knowledge and outcomes she did not yet have. I should trust her, be proud of her, and believe that experience itself is the journey, and that no road is ever in vain.

I also came to understand that work is only one part of a holistic life; even within work, abilities, skills, and character, such as open-mindedness and resilience, extend far beyond any single job. One of my most respected leaders once gave me clarity when I needed it most:

“If you quit your job, you would still be you. And yes, a tough-minded optimism is critical, as are dignity and meaning. Your job doesn’t (or shouldn’t) define you. So many other things do—like your generosity, your kindness, your optimism, your wit… I could go on and on :) But seriously, please try not to conflate the two: Aitong as a human being, and what Aitong does at work.”

Here is what I want to add. My existence itself is meaningful enough. Life, as a whole, is a journey of discovering who I truly am, and learning to accept and love the person I discover. I have cultivated the courage to say goodbye, trusting that every farewell is also an opening, a quiet invitation toward the environment where I belong. What truly meaningful will evolve, but never disappear.

Over time, I’ve realized that what genuinely brings me joy is the science, the authentic learning, the connections with inspiring minds, and the excitement of uncertainty, challenge, and innovation. Career success is simply a by-product walking faithfully along my own path.

Speaking of excitement, over the past two days, two of my closest friends talked with me about how incredible that feeling can be. I’ve read many books and watched many movies about love. And yes, Korean drama in particular haha. I’ve never been sure I fully understood it, but today, I want to try to describe what I’ve recently realized. Love, to me, is excitement. It’s being excited about the next version of myself with another person, excited about how we partner together to face life’s ups and downs, and how those moments shape who we become—together, as one evolving entity.

These paragraphs may sound light, but behind them are many tears, immense effort, and deep inner work. I live a very grounded, concrete life. I stand firmly by myself, proud of who I am at this moment, confident in who I am becoming, and genuinely excited about 2026.

People change. I change. Society changes. But what remains eternal is this: I am moving closer to my truest self with faith and courage. And that brings me peace and contentment.

I hope you find that too.

Spectacular,

Aitong

Dec. 31, 2025